The other day I went to visit my daughter at work.

It was PTSD moment because I used to work there.

It was the place I left behind to start what I am doing now. The same place where I was made to feel insignificant and small, where all my efforts resulted in abuse.

To say it still affects me is putting it lightly. I still think about it a lot. But worse, I didn’t want to walk in there. I didn’t want to explain what I’ve been up to, or what I have to show for myself. I have put away all those fake masks that used to propel me through the day in a corporate job and I didn’t want to wear them again.

Corporate Free: Almost a Year Later

Sadly, I don’t feel like I’ve gotten anywhere since leaving. I feel like I should have more to show for my time and efforts.

It’s hardly the place I want to be, yet it might be exactly the place I need to be.

The truth is that “work” has always been a place where I suffered and where I traded in everything beautiful about myself for a false sense of belonging and security. I thought all my efforts would result in validation, belonging, and love. I wanted my job title, my paycheck, and how people perceived me to result in feeling like I mattered. But instead, it did the exact opposite. I became someone I did not recognize.

The Writer’s Life

I left this job in tatters — completely beside myself, confused, unraveled.

It took me an entire month to find anything meaningful again.

Writing was always my saving grace. It started with a book. No, it wasn’t anything mind-bending, but it was something I had some passion about. It was the reason I gave myself to get out of bed when I really wanted to curl up and vanish.

But I still feel that pull to “be something.” I get dissatisfied because I am not sure anything I’m doing matters. So, I revert to old patterns, looking for ways to validate my existence.

And every time I think about going back to work, I jump on Indeed and remember why I won’t bother to apply. Who needs diarrhea?

Becoming an Author

My husband has tried to get me side gigs at his work — another place I used to work. I spent 6 years taking their non-existent marketing and turning it into sales. For $20 an hour, I was the one that posted on social media, created content calendars, ran their website, updated their local listings, and created videos for YouTube.

About a year ago, they found a marketing person with a Master’s degree and paid her 90K. And she can’t even run social media or send out an email campaign. So, when my husband approached her about me helping, she ghosted his request. He keeps trying and she avoids him.

I finally looked at him and said “I’ve never met her, but I can tell you exactly what her problem is: she thinks I want to take her job. Trust me, I don’t. I’d rather pick toe jam.”

And then he brought up the fact that I’ve written books and she feels intimidated by me.

Besides the fact that I no longer have time for these insecure baboons, I thought about how funny it is. How I perceive myself and how others perceive me is always interesting. I sit here, doubting any good I offer to the universe, and they are scared of my talent. (Not trying to sound vain, I’m honestly surprised by the competitiveness I see from other women. Just baffles me.)

The Author’s Mindset

But still, I find myself facing my own inner battles.

I want everything to be perfect and polished, but that results in fear.

Sometimes what we call perfectionism is really just fear of failure in disguise.

We keep our work hidden not because it’s not ready, but because putting it out there means people can judge it.

And I know from my past work experiences, judgement wasn’t always done as a way to support me, but to squash me.

It’s been my mission to unlearn those toxic traits that I’ve learned from others.

Maybe bad reviews or criticism aren’t personal rejection — they’re just feedback. Maybe the real rejection happens when we keep our work to ourselves, rejecting our own dreams before anyone else gets the chance.

If we hide all the beautiful things about ourselves because it’s safer to do so, we rob the people who we can really help.

Starting Small

If you are like me, maybe deep dives feel too real. Maybe we just need to dip our toes instead.

Perhaps the answer isn’t avoiding the judgment altogether but starting small — sharing with a few trusted people first, getting feedback, and gradually expanding from there. Instead of showing up to everyone and being at their mercy, we find a few trusted, supportive people who we know will want us to succeed.

The truth is most of us struggling with putting our work out there aren’t alone in this fear. It’s something I’ve had to work through myself, and it’s something I see other authors battling every day.

If you’re sitting on a manuscript, a blog post, or any creative work because you’re terrified of what people might think, I want you to know that fear is normal — but it doesn’t have to make your decisions for you. What you have to offer the world is remarkable. If no one else will say it to you, I will.

Isn’t it time we let go of our fear of rejection? If you are ready, I’ve put together a video sharing some practical strategies that helped me overcome the fear of rejection as an author. You’ll learn about the minimum viable approach to launching your work, how to build an audience while you create, and why your first book is really just market research (not a masterpiece).

I hope this video will encourage you to finally get your work out into the world. Small steps are better than standing still.

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This was originally posted on Substack on July 25, 2025.